You know a lot of girls be
Thinking my songs are about them
This is not to get confused, this one's for you

[Hook]
Baby you my everything, you all I ever wanted
We could do it real big, bigger than you ever done it
You be up on everything other hoes ain't never on it
I want this forever I swear I can spend whatever on it
Cause she hold me down everytime I hit her up
When I get right I promise that we 'gon live it up
She made me beg for it, till she give it up
And I say the same thing every single time
I say you the fuckin best, you the fuckin best
You the fuckin best, you the fuckin best
You the best I ever had, best I ever had
Best I ever had, best I ever had
I say you the fuckin best

[Verse 1]
Know you got a roommate, call me when there's no one there
Put the key under the mat and you know I be over there
(Yup!) I be over there shawty I be over there
I be hitting all the spots that you ain't even know it's there
Ha! And you don't even have to ask twice
You could have me heart, we could share it like the last slice
Always felt like you was so accustomed to the fast life
Have a nigga thinking he met you in the past life
Sweat pants hair tied chilling with no make up on
That's when your the prettiest I hope that you don't take it wrong
You don't even trip when friends say you ain't bringing Drake along
You know that I'm working I'll be there soon as I make it home
And she a patient in my waiting room
Never pay attention to the rumors and what they assume
And till them girls prove it
I'm the one that never get confused with cause

[Hook]

[Verse 2]
Sex, Love, Pain baby, I be on that Tank shit
Buzz so big, I could pro'lly sell a blank disc
When my album drop, bitches'll buy it for the picture
And niggas will buy it too and claim they got it for they sister
Magazine paper girl, the money ain't the issue
They bring dinner to my room and ask me to initial
She call me the referee, cause I be so official
My shirt ain't got no stripes, but I can make your pussy whistle
Like the Andy Griffith theme song
...And who told you to put them jeans on?
Double cup love, you the one I lean on
Feeling for a fix then you should really get ya fiend on
Yeah, just know my condo is the crack spot
Every single show she out there repping like a mascot
Get it from the back and make your fuckin' bra strap pop
All up in ya slot til the nigga hit the jackpot

[Hook]

[Outro]
See, this the type of joint you gotta dedicate to somebody
Just make sure they that special somebody
Young Money, yeah, you know who you are

This song is better in my head because I only sing this part wrong over and over

Baby you my everything, you all I ever wanted
you be up on everything, bigger than you ever done it

Oh well

Leah K.

So.  I wanted to get some dance portraits done.  And what better place than my new studio.  

So...  yeah.

Leah K.

I'm finally ready to do this.

 My first xanga entry was in December of 2004.  http://leahktutu.xanga.com/179727570/item/

Since then I have made 793 posts.  So, this will make post 795 in Leahktutu's xanga.  

If you look at my archives you will see there is a gap from July 2007 to August of 2010.  This was my dark period.  I was also missing from Facebook for part of that time.  My phone records were pretty sparse then, as well.  I was in a depression and I was closed off from almost all other human beings.   While I was away, everyone left xanga.  Of the people on my friends list only one was still posting. I did not even know him in real life, and he has since disappeared.  I was perfectly happy posting almost everyday to no footprints.  I poured all the pent up thoughts and words I hadn't expressed over the previous years in a safe place.  I have always written journals.  I keep them.  I re-read them.  Just like I re-read books.  I've read through my xanga archives a couple of times.  I have a tendency to visit certain posts.  Mostly my "leah writes" tags.  

 When I read The Xanga Team's post about the possible dissolving of my blog, I was not happy.  Xanga and I have had our moments.  I get upset when things change.  Like the theme stuff.   It took me a while to figure out the new stuff and it seems to be less individualized than it used to be.  I also miss the song database that I used to be able to link to to play music for my visitors.  Then I had all kinds of issues with the audio blog and the video blog.  BUT!  Xanga is definitely the place for me.  The blogging experience gives me exactly what I want.  I can stay hidden and have people read my blog at the same time.  It's extremely personal, and I feel like the other bloggers are real people.  And, I often find out that they are actually real people.  I still don't know if they are going to reach their fundraising goal.  I really couldn't afford the member fee.  I was prepared to download all my archives print them and turn my xanga into a few journals.  Of course, I will have to do this if xanga closes.  BUT!!!!!  Now the awesome part!!

I got the best news earlier!  I received a message that I was the winner of the free year's subscription of xanga 2.0!!!!  You see, @Marica0701 had a fundraiser on her Etsy.  And it happened to fall on the week of my daughter's birthday.  I bought Luci a purple dream catcher to put beside her bed, and entered in the contest.   YAY!!!  This is amazing!  My only problem now is if @hangingbyamoment isn't on xanga 2.0 I will be very sad.  

I was going to be a lost xangan, and now I am saved!  woohoo!  

Leah K.

Hello, Xanga, it's been a long time.   (points if you sang that in the right melody)   

Well, I have had some time to examine some new things about myself, recently.  Me being in a relationship is different.  It has made me notice that I identify more with masculine stereotypes than with the girl ones.  I'm going to begin my examples with the giving of directions.  When you think of a woman giving directions, you think she will say something like...  "You turn right by Target and Kohls then head towards Starbucks."  When a man gives directions you will expect him to say, "Turn right on Richmond Road, then left on Mall Drive, it's on your right."   

This is me giving directions to Lance.  "You turn right and go over the University Overpass."  "The what?"  "The overpass on University."  "Why don't you just tell me when to turn."   

"You come into town on Summerhill.  Well, 59 where it turns into Summerhill.  At the first Stoplight, I think it's Third or Fourth Street, turn right."  "wait a minute, come into town where?"  "The street you live off of.  You come to the first stoplight.  Fourth Street.  Turn Right and it's up there on the Right."   "OK, you are going to have to give me a little more."  "Downtown, Broad Street and Main?"  "Do you mean by the Library."  "YES! across the street from the Library. Sorry, my brain doesn't work that way."  

They say men give directions with street names, and women with landmarks.   Well, sorry.  

Also, with the affection.  Women are usually the ones doling out the warm fuzzies to the man, right?  Not me.  I do good to just reply to most of them.  And, what the hell are pet names?  You'd think with all my nicknaming here I would be able to come up with something.  But I will never utter words like "sugar bear"  or... I'm drawing a blank.  See.  So I'll stick with "My Sun and Stars."  A completely nerdy Game of Thrones reference. A novel about people's heads being cut off and put on spikes.  Really girly, let me tell ya.  

Leah K.

I got my ticket for the long way 'round
Two bottle whiskey for the way
And I sure would like some sweet company
And I'm leaving tomorrow, what-do-ya say?

When I'm gone
When I'm gone
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my hair
You're gonna miss me everywhere, oh
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

I've got my ticket for the long way 'round
The one with the prettiest view
It's got mountains, it's got rivers,
It's got woods that give you shivers
But it sure would be prettier with you

When I'm gone
When I'm gone
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my walk
You'll miss me by my talk, oh
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

I've got my ticket for the long way 'round
These feet weren't built to stay too long
And I'll go there on my own,
But you'll miss me when you're home
It's for you dear that I sing this song

When I'm gone
When I'm gone
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my hair
You're gonna miss me everywhere, oh
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

When I'm gone
When I'm gone
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my walk
You're gonna miss me by my talk, oh
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

Leah K.

I will learn this song.  I will.

Reflection from Mulan

Look at me, 
I will never pass for a perfect bride, or a perfect daughter. 
Can it be, I'm not meant to play this part?  
Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself. 
I would break my family's heart.
Who is that girl I see? 
Staring straight 
back at me? 
Why is my reflection someone I; don't know? 
Some how I cannot hide, 
Who I am. 
Though I've tried. 
When will my reflection show, who I am inside? 
When will my reflection show? 
Who I am? 
Inside? 
When will my reflection show, who I am, inside.

Because Luci has decided on a Mulan Birthday....  Friday.   Mulan.  Which would be awesome if it were 1998 when the movie came out. Or she was considered a princess and was put on everything Disney.  But.  She's gone.  Mulan is nowhere to be found.  This mommy has some work to do.  

Leah K.

The person that you want tell everything to, but are too afraid to 

my sister?  my mother?  Anyone really.   No one knows everything.  No one.  There is just too much.  

Secrets.  Lies.  Denial

I guess I am afraid.  I'm not really sure what I am afraid of.  There have been times in my life where I wanted to scream at my mother, "If you really knew me, you wouldn't hate me!"    I like to keep things for myself.   I like to reserve the right to change them.  I really like to snuggle up by myself in my little happinesses.  I like to be alone.  That includes being the only one who knows certain things.  I like that I've read books no one else I know has read.  I like to listen to music no one else is listening to.  I like to go places by myself and have no need to tell other people I have been there.   I have always been a 'lie of omission' kind of girl.   I guard my information.  My thoughts.  I know in some ways I'm afraid to share things because I believe it will mean they can be taken from me.  Or perverted in some way.  I can be fully happy without the judgement.  

Leah K.

Someone that changed your life

My Luci,  

      You flipped my life on it's ass.  I didn't know anything before you came along.   I was young and irresponsible and selfish.  I didn't know what I thought about anything or how I felt about life.  You have taught me everything.   You have taught me about what matters.  How the details sometimes mean everything and yet sometimes it's only the major points that will stick around.   How everything slips away so fast.  Change happens constantly.  You taught me I am strong.  I will be strong for you.  I know that with everything I am.   You taught me what love is.   I thought love and happiness were the same thing.  That's really the opposite of what it is.  Love is when you are in the worst pain of your life, and you put yourself willingly through more pain for someone else's benefit.  Without question.  Without hesitation.  Love is all consuming.  Without you, I think I would still be a mess.  The last 5 years have been a little messy, yes.  But, I am no longer a mess.  I'm no longer without roots.  Without purpose.  You are my future.  

Mommy

Put on your old black dress 
And grab your dancing shoes. 
Head out to the old bar Rose 
and we'll dance away our blues. 
Spent all week waiting 
Now my mind's on you. 
Hold my loving arms, my loving arms are for you. 

I'm so tired of the nine to five weighing down on my soul 
Let's get out of all this uptown life and head out on the country road. 
Forget about all the things that we can't make right 
Put on a little Emmyloo, and we'll dance into the night. 

Singing, hold my loving arms, my loving arms are for you. 
Hold my loving arms, my loving arms are for you. 

All we need is time, honey. 
All we need is time. 

Sit on the front porch, kick off your shoes. 

We don't need nowhere to go, we don't need a tune. 
In a world that gets lost in making plans, 
just be my woman, yeah, and I will be your man. 

All we need is time. 
All we need is time. 

Hold my loving arms, my loving arms are for you. 
Hold my loving arms, my loving arms are for you. 
Singing, hold my loving arms, my loving arms are for you. 
Hold my loving arms, my loving arms are for you. 

Put on your old black dress 
And grab your dancing shoes. 
Head out to the old bar Rose 
and we'll dance away our blues

Leah K.