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  • Dream Entry

    It was some place between Memphis and Nashville.  There was absolutely nothing for miles.  Every time she would drive through, she would be starving.  Just when she thought she would never see civilization a small restaurant would appear into view.  A square white building known for friendly service and pretty good food.  She had stopped here before.  She remembered leaving was always a maze and a crap shoot, but she was pretty good at not being lost.  

    She remembered the last time she stopped.  It was right after recital was over.  A celebratory dinner with Katherine and Jennifer in attendance. She had almost gotten lost that day along the dirt roads that led the way back to the highway.  This time she was meeting her family.  They pulled up and walked in together.  They sat down at a large table with room to spare.  Another customer, a young blonde woman, asked if she could join them.  Of course. The woman has a lost look, drained and doe-eyed. They didn't talk about much. Mostly about the restaurant itself, the food, the waitresses.  She began to get apprehensive about the woman, and the prospect of getting lost again on the way out.  Then, the woman made mention of the fact that it wasn't so bad to stay here.  She said, because they have a lounge and all.  That struck her as off in some way, and then the unthinkable happened.  

    The woman vanished.  One second the chair was occupied, the next empty.  Gone.  Then she happened to spy something on the wall beside her.  They were pictures of herself!  Pictures of the last time she had been there, smiling in her purple dress as she ate a doughnut.  One picture was of when she was a child playing outside the front door.  One photo was even of her great grandmother whom must have visited at some point.  How did they know who she was?  When did those photos appear there?  She was beyond scared now.  She tried to convince the others it was time to find their way out, very carefully.  

    The first point they ran into trouble was along the dirt road.  The way was blocked with cars with no one inside them.  Things were getting odd so they got out to investigate.  When they ventured back their car was nowhere to be found.  She guessed it was time to run.  So they did.  They ran through the woods.  It must have been a mile or two before they came upon a cabin.  She was worried these people would be less help, and more trouble.  It was her only option.  A knock on the door. It seemed they were just as apprehensive about her.  They looked like people hiding from something.  They seemed to know who she was running from.  She could tell they didn't appreciate her appearance, but they could help a little, at least.  They told her what she was dealing with.  A place that traps you, they said.  The people who own the restaurant, they keep their patrons.  No wonder they were always so busy in the middle of nowhere.  The people never left.  The family said they weren't at liberty to get away, but they had not been taken.  They hadn't been visited in over a year, but our appearance might change that.  They were right.  Time for her to leave.  The enemies were approaching.  They were on their own again.  

    The next opportunity came into sight as a Walmart.  Everyone else thought that was promising.  She wasn't so sure. She resolved to stay aware.  It became obvious after a while it wasn't easy to leave this Walmart.  They made their way back to the front to realize there was no exit door.  Only the entrance.  No one else inside seemed to need an exit or care that there wasn't one.  She cared.  Screw the entrance door.  It's an exit now.  They packed up someone's car and made an escape.

    The whole night made her question if maybe she hadn't been trapped for years.  

    Leah K. 

  • Hell Week.

    so maybe it's nothing like this    

    or even this

     

    but I call this my hell week.   

    The week of Sept. 24th-28th. However it falls.

    I used to not have any dating criteria.  Now I have a few things.  Your birthday must not fall during Hell Week or anywhere near it.  Let's say Sept 1- Oct 15.  You must have a car.  You must have a good job or some skill set that allows you to have the opportunity to have a job.  

    Leah K.

  • One More Night - Maroon 5

    You and I go hard at each other like we're going to war.
    You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slamming the door.
    You and I get so damn dysfunctional, we start keeping score.
    You and I get sick, yeah, I know that we can't do this no more.

    Yeah, but baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you.
    Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go.
    Got you stuck on my body, on my body, like a tattoo.
    And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid, crawling back to you.

    So I cross my heart and I hope to die
    That I'll only stay with you one more night
    And I know I said it a million times
    But I'll only stay with you one more night

    Try to tell you "no" but my body keeps on telling you "yes".
    Try to tell you to "stop", but your lipstick got me so out of breath.
    I'll be waking up in the morning, probably hating myself.
    And I'll be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell.

    Yeah, but baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you.
    (Making me love)
    Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go.
    (I let it all go)
    Got you stuck on my body, on my body, like a tattoo.
    (Like a tattoo, yeah)
    And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid, crawling back to you.

    So I cross my heart and I hope to die
    (Yeah)
    That I'll only stay with you one more night
    (Ohh)
    And I know I said it a million times
    (Yeah)
    But I'll only stay with you one more night
    (Yeah)

    Yeah, baby give me one more night [x3]

    Yeah, but baby there you go again, there you go again making me love you.
    Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go.
    Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo.
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

    So I cross my heart and I hope to die
    (Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh)
    That I'll only stay with you one more night
    (Oh oh oh oh oh oh)
    And I know I said it a million times
    (Oh, I said it a million times)
    But I'll only stay with you one more night
    (Yeah, baby give me one more night)

    So I cross my heart and I hope to die (yeah, yeah)
    That I'll only stay with you one more night (yeah, yeah)
    And I know I said it a million times (yeah, yeah)
    But I'll only stay with you one more night (yeah, yeah)

    I don't know, whatever.

     

    Leah K.

  • Too Close - Alex Clare

    You know I'm not one to break promises,
    I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe.
    At the end of it all, you're still my best friend,
    But there's something inside that I need to release.
    Which way is right, which way is wrong,
    How do I say that I need to move on?
    You know we're heading separate ways.

    And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
    There's nothing I can really say.
    I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
    Got to be true to myself.
    And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
    So I'll be on my way.

    You've given me more than I can return,
    Yet there's oh so much that you deserve.
    There's nothing to say, nothing to do.
    I've nothing to give,
    I must leave without you.
    You know we're heading separate ways.

    And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
    There's nothing I can really say.
    I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
    Got to be true to myself.
    And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
    So I'll be on my way.

    So I'll be on my way.

    And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
    There's nothing that I can really say.
    I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
    Got to be true to myself.
    And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
    So I'll be on my way.

    So I'll be on my way.
    So I'll be on my way.

     

     

     

    Leah K.

  • Books

    The Lord of the Rings trilogy and The Hobbit

     

    I remember when I was in Junior high my sister was reading The Hobbit.  When she finished, I thought I might pick it up.  I cracked it open and read "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."  I don't remember ever having turned the page.  I don't know maybe I made it to page 3 or 4.  I vowed to myself I wouldn't watch the movies until I read the books.   Fast forward 6 or 7 years.  I hadn't read them.  Shame on me.  I could no longer go without seeing the movies.  So, I watched them in their entirety.  And now a couple years later I have finally finished the series. 

    I thought it was just a timing issue.  I thought I didn't finish the book because I was probably doing actual schoolwork.  Now I'm not sure that was the case.  Getting through The Hobbit was no easy task.  I had to be fully awake for my mind to comprehend and even remotely follow along.  The story is a journey that happens over a year's time.  It is a meandering journey, and it feels as though the reader is meandering as well.  It leaves you wondering if you will ever get anywhere at all. When you do finish, and you have the opportunity to look back and consider, you realize what a wonderful exciting journey it actually was.  The characters are all worth loving.  Maybe except Gollum.  It leaves you wishing you could one day walk out of your round hobbit door in The Shire and spend some time with the elves.   Or see the treasure mound that Smog the dragon guarded under the mountain.  The characters really make it.  Bilbo Baggins will forever be an old close friend.  And may we all have the great fortune of being on good terms with Gandalf the Gray. 

     

    With the Hobbit done, I thought surely the other three novels would prove more exciting.  I remembered the movies, after all.  Boy was I wrong.  Really, the movies didn't even put a lot of events in.  Still, the books were extremely tedious.  Luckily, we had more than the one hobbit to really get to know.  Frodo, Samwise, Meriadoc, and Peregrin (0r Merry and Pippin respectively).  The people or creatures they meet along the way are remarkable.  That is one thing about these books I absolutely love.  I have read other fantasy books.  They have the dragons and the elves and the dwarfs, but they lack in other fantastical elements.  There is nothing in Middle Earth that isn't mythical, magical, or more than what it seems.  The swords glow when enemies are close.  The trees might try to kill you, or they might be your brightest hope in the war.  The race of men even has a destiny to fulfill.  I will say, Merry is my favorite hobbit.  Yes, we all know Frodo had the ring, and Samwise was the only reason Frodo succeeded, but Merry is the one I love.  

      

    It doesn't hurt the he's played by dominic monoghan in the movie whom I love a lot. 

    I'm not sure this series will ever be on my reread list, but it is on my greatest series ever written list.  It's on my fantasy worlds I know are real somewhere list.  One day you will find me with my shoes off, running through The Shire..... naked.  hahaha.  just kidding.  not naked.  Just barefoot.

    Leah K.  

  • Black Velvet - Alannah Myles

    Mississippi in the middle of a dry spell
    Jimmie Rodgers on the Victrola up high
    Mama's dancin' with baby on her shoulder
    The sun is settin' like molasses in the sky
    The boy could sing, knew how to move ev'rything
    Always wanting more, he'd leave you longing for
    Black velvet and that little boy smile
    Black velvet with that slow southern style
    A new religion that'll bring her to your knees
    Black velvet if you please
    Up in Memphis the music's like a heat wave
    White Lightnin' bound to drive you wild
    Mama's baby's in the heart of ev'ry school girl
    Love Me Tender leaves 'em cryin' in the aisle
    The way he moved, it was a sin, so sweet and true
    Always wanting more, he'd leave you longing for
    Black velvet and that little boy smile
    Black velvet and that slow southern style
    A new religion that'll bring her to your knees
    Black velvet if you please
    Ev'ry word of ev'ry song that he sang was for you
    In a flash he was gone, it happened so soon
    What could you do?
    Black velvet and that little boy smile
    Black velvet in that slow southern style
    A new religion that'll bring her to your knees
    Black velvet if you please
    Black velvet and that little boy smile
    Black velvet in that slow southern style
    A new religion that'll bring her to your knees
    Black velvet if you please
    If you please
    If you please
    If you please

     

    Elvis Presley relaxing at Port Paradise Hotel in Crystal River after shooting the movie scenes all day at Yankeetown.

    I have a poster of Elvis on my wall.  I tried to find the exact photo, but I couldn't.  That white button down, open and sleeves rolled up.  But he is standing and has black pants.  

    I talk to him sometimes.  Mostly just, "Hey, Elvis" and "Oh, Elvis!".   I have visited Graceland.  

    So, of course I know a dance to this song.  One of my favorites.  

    Leah K.

  • FS

    It's trust.

    I don't trust you.  

    "Guard your heart, Leah."

    "It's going to hurt, Leah."

    He's here.  

    Luckily before I threw caution to the wind, my two friends opened my eyes.

    not getting hurt isn't as easy as I make it out to be.  

    "I didn't say you couldn't, just that you shouldn't"  

    "This is what friends are for.  We help you see sense and when you don't we hold you when you cry."

    Magnets with the same pole.  we miss.  To make it work someone would have to flip their pole.  

    I don't trust you to flip your pole.

    I don't trust you enough to flip mine.  

    FS:  I have some free time after Tuesday, maybe then I can come see you.  

     

    Leah K.

  • A-R-K-A-N-S-A-S Arkansas Fight Fight Fight!

    This is going to be a rather long post about College Football and the Arkansas Razorbacks to be exact.  You have been warned.

     

    They ranked us #10 to begin the season.  This was based purely on the potential of our players.  Tyler Wilson, one of the Heisman hopefuls at Quarterback.  Cobi Hamilton, a receiver who seems to fly to wherever the ball happens to be going, and must have magnets in his gloves.  Chris Gragg, a beast who eats touchdowns for breakfast.   Knile Davis, a tenacious young ball holder that takes positive yardage as a given not an option.  We lost a few key defensive players which might account for such a low ranking, but Alonzo Highsmith can hold his own in that area.  Another reason for the unsure ranking?  Our scandal at the Head Coach position.  With the failure of the (irate, screaming, get your heads out of your asses) sideline hero Bobby Petrino, our future was shaky at best.  

    Then came the season opener against a poor no name school that we pay to come lose.  What happens?  They get ahead of us in the score early.  We pull the win, but with more struggle than should have been necessary.  Defense will be our weakness it seemed.  Remarkably, our ranking rose to #8.  I think due mostly to others losses and not our win.  Also, the fact that each of the key players I mentioned above lived up to their potential at least once. 

    Week two.  The Rock.  The history of wins.  Another team we pay to come lose.

                   

             

    Excitement was in the air.  The stands filled.  The only empty section was the one where the visiting band should have been.  Even the drunk guys had stumbled up the steps to get in the vicinity of their seats.  Soon the atmosphere changed.  Tyler threw an interception the 3rd play of the game.  The ULM team proceeded to make the most of the error and put 7 points up to start the game.  Soon we had gained the points back.  The one and only Cobi Hamilton in my endzone.  That meant our defense was headed back on the field.  Oh, it was horrible to watch.  Here we found ourselves time and time again.  3rd and 10.  The roar of the crowd would be deafening.  The ball goes in play. Bam! 4th and 1.  And the damn ULMers always went for it.  Probably because their kicker was a joke, and they usually got it!  We couldn't make a stop.  Thankfully, they didn't get many more points up, and our offense was starting to get things done.  Too quickly ost of the time andthe defense would be back out on the field.  One problem our offense faced was blocking for the run, and protecting the quarterback.  Where is the O-line!  Tyler went down.  Hard.  I thought it was a hip injury.  He was walking like the drunk guys.  He shook it off and threw a pass down field on the next play.   The half was over. That was the last we saw of Tyler Wilson.  

    Things went downhill.   Brandon Allen was out at quarterback.  Not with a good showing. http://nwahomepage.com/fulltextsports?nxd_id=363432   At one point during the game, I was completely confused as to why our running game was so lacking.  I asked rather loudly, "where the heck is Kiero Small!"  It seems we were having injury issues before we even made it to Little Rock.  Then it happened.   Our defense finally looked as though they were going to make a tackle.  Two razorbacks going towards the ULM receiver at full speed.  Wham! A collective gasp.  Tevin Mitchel never moved.  He had landed flat on his back, opposite the direction he entered the collision with his own teammate Alonzo.  His legs were splayed wide with no life.  We waited.  They called for the cart almost immediately.  The whole stadium was in a hush except for the drunk guys who couldn't seem to be respectful or concerned and were told repeatedly to shut up, once from The students 3 sections away.   The point that broke my heart was when the people helping Tevin had to physically close his legs for him to get him on the stretcher.  No thumbs up. No wave.  The defense had to get back out there after knealing for a prolonged period.   It's no wonder that soon after Kody Walker suffered a leg injury.  Broken?  What in the world!?  Bring the cart for this one, too.   Then came the need for an overtime! More of this hell!?  The chants were heard of "We Want Bobby".  The result was a loss.  We lost.  Our ranking disapeared. Our bowl hopes blown.

    For once the stands were full as the final score was called.  Heads down, slowly, the fans started the mass exodus.  This is the first game I've left without Hog Calls on the walk home.  Even the games when we lost against LSU.  This was something entirely different. 

     

    John L. says "Obviously we are disappointed. Came back Sunday and sat down with the team, went through the things we have to do to get better. Talked about it as a team. We have to take the field starting tomorrow and continue to work. It's part of athletics that they know exists. When you get knocked down, get back up."
    Injuries

    Tyler Wilson was back for the meeting last night. Still has some symptoms, grogginess. He won't go to the field until the doctors OK him and are symptom free.

    Making preparation with both Brandons at QB. If they get Tyler back, it'll be 'icing on the cake.'

    Tevin has been released from the hospital in LR. Is on his way back and will be here today. He will meet with specialists here and discuss their findings.

    Everything they get from the scans on Tevin has been positive. They're optimistic but he's not playing this week for sure.

    Kody Walker has had an operation already on his broken leg and is out the season.

    The rest is bumps and bruises.

    Quote from John L Smith:
    "This is the same football team, these are the same players, these are the same coaches that you were on the band wagon, I guess, a week ago, and they deserve your support." -John L. Smith

     

    I don't know that I was on the band wagon last week, John.  These boys are young.  They need to be taught.  They do not need someone to pat them on the back and say good try, maybe next time.  They came to Arkansas to be made into pro football players.  They must have a fire in them to want the win enough to produce it for themselves.  Not to let it happen.  Wins don't work that way.   I have the feeling that if we videod close ups of individual fans yelling their outrage at specific mistakes the players might have gained more coaching. 

    The only positive?  The report that Tyler Wilson broke his collar bone was false.  He only has a concussion, and might not play in next weeks game against #1 Alabama.  ugh.  Not that positive after all. 

    I was a hog fan when we didn't expect to win games and I've been through many losses with them.  That doesn't mean I want to lose or like when we do.  It also means that I know this doesn't mean we will never win again.  We most certainly can pull some upsets without being ranked.  Thats what we've done every other season.   Just GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND TACKLE!

    Leah K.

  • Videos?

    Why can I not add my uploaded videos to my weblog??  I uploaded a couple of videos.  One is of the dance I wrote about at convention this summer.  It's of course videod from the back because that's how you learn choreography.  Also I uploaded my speech from recital so that you can see it and make fun of me.  Plus, after about 3 months the video of my solo with the right music finally came out of processing.  Thanks xanga.  Now about my music! 

    So I guess you will have to find my videos of your own accord. I cannot place them here for you to view.

    Leah K.

  • Lies

    Perception (from the Latin perceptio, percipio) is the organization, identification, and interpretation of sensory information in order to fabricate a mental representation

     

    immediate or intuitive recognition or appreciation, as of moral, psychological, or aesthetic qualities; insight; intuition; discernment

    a single unified awareness derived from sensory processes while a stimulus is present.

    impression: an attitude or understanding based on what is observed or thought

     

    Though necessarily based on incomplete and unverified (or unreliable) information, perception is equated with reality for most practical purposes and guides human behavior in general.

     

    We don't live our lives according to truth.  We live our lives according to the picture that is presented to us.  The lie that covers the truth is what we base our decisions and our choices on.  We learn at an early age to "put our best foot forward".  The result is learning to hide whatever is not our best foot.  I have learned very well how to control others' perception of me.  It's tiresome.  Showing only what people want to see.  Never have people been given a false interpretation of reality more than in the business world.  The world of sales and services.  At every job I've ever had the wool is pulled over the customers' eyes, and they don't care one bit. 

    Selling fireworks at 17.  You and your pretty friend, go sell that guy $100s worth of fireworks he doesn't need.  I know you don't know what they do. Tell him they are the most exciting fireworks you can buy.  Then, I might actually pay you for working your ass off in this dirty fire trap.

    Selling Ice Cream.  Well, those secrets might be better kept as secrets.

    Working at a hotel.  Oh my goodness.  If the customers could see what lies behind the locked doors.  If they knew what happened when they made a request.  Our pool is being painted right now, sorry for the inconvenience.  truth?  I've worked here for 6 months and the pool has been empty.  You need towels? I'll have someone bring them up.  truth? you can't come down here and get them, because I have to steal them from a different room. 

    Now.  If you could have seen the hell hole I walked into when I viewed the space to rent you would think I was insane.  I, however, have hidden the truth.  I carry the fear that the walls will fall apart, and the ceiling will come crashing at any moment.  What new horrors will arise today?  But, it looks beautiful.  It looks clean.  It looks like a working studio and so it will be.  Who needs to know the truth of the matter?  That goes into the actual school as well.  I give the illusion that I know what I'm doing.  Who cares that I'm bullshitting my way through this mess.  That's what everyone is doing.   The turth doesn't matter.  It's what the people see.  It's the result not the means.

     

    "Watch how good I'll fake it"

     

    cyn·i·cism (s n-s z m) n. 1. An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others

    I think maybe the cynics see more truth, huh?  I've always been one. 

    Leah K.