Parents

Mom and Dad,

I understand, now.  My childhood blinders have been taken off.  I have a child, and I have had adult relationships.  It sometimes gets screwed up.  People are extremely capable of causing pain and heartbreak.  It is part of life.  Part of my life.  You just had the unfortunate circumstance of being the first people who hurt me.  And I had the unfortunate circumstance of having it happen to me early.  I don't hate either one of you, anymore.  I feel you could have done things better and differently, but that won't change them now.   There is no longer a need to change it.  I have accepted you.  Dad, I know exactly what you have to offer me, and I can handle that.   I won't expect more.  I won't be disappointed.  Mom,  I am OK with the fact that you want the best for me.  I know we do not agree on what that is.  I apologize if it hurts you, but I'm not worried about it. Mom, I DO love you.  Dad, you ARE family.  I will claim you both, and own myself in the process.  May I take your mistakes and make them better in my daughter. Or even eventually children.  

Leah Katherine
(Katie-Turtle)

Crush

Sexy Shirtless Neighbor,

I'm so glad it's Summer.  I almost drove off the road the day you planted the tree in front of your house.  You were on your knees wearing only a pair of shorts with earth up to your elbows.   Your tan, tattooed back was covered in sweat glistening in the hot sun.  That is what a man should be.  Pouring his sweat and strength into the earth.  I feel like a man who shows that much dedication to a tree could show a lot of dedication to a woman.  I realize you already have a woman to dedicate yourself to.  I only hope she appreciates the work of art she has.  I'm not sure who push mows their yard anymore, but I'm glad you do.  I'm also glad you do it shirtless.  I don't know how long the mailbox across from your house will last.  I will try to keep my wheel straight, but I do not promise to avert my eyes.  

Sincerely,

Hot and Bothered Neighbor

4 more days!!!!!

Miss Leah

No programs.  No hair accessories.  Without knowing the order of the dances, everyone was running late.  I was running late.  I forgot all kinds of things.  What do you mean you can't put make-up on your child?  Where are the trophies?  Everyone's hair is wrong.   I give up.  Disaster.  

I dreamed that I finally told you I loved you.   I did it in the most honest way I could.  

Leah K.  

VERSE 1)

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living. A deeper meaning. Yeah..

(CHORUS)

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down over me...

(VERSE 2)

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of..
The highest powers. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..

(CHORUS)
I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

(BRIDGE)

Oh can you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes 'cause it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do...

(CHORUS)

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

(CHORUS)

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna live like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

oh yeah... oh yeah

Leah K.  

@Benelliman requested a blog about why we would be a great match.   The 10 reasons I came up with are as follows.  

#10

We are both parents.  We know what it is to put someone else above everything.  If you are not a parent (or a good parent) you can not have this understanding.  

#9

Our friends would love us.  We would take them out and breathe life into the party without expecting anything in return.  

#8

I have an appreciation for your music choices.   This is important to me.  

#7

Though I might not be your exact type, it seems my long neck makes up for it.

#6

You are my type in any way I have a type.  

#5

I don't have to worry about mothering your drunk ass if we go out.  

#4

You don't have to take care of me if I drink, either.   I'm not going to get stupid.

#3

I am always in need of more good food, and you like to feed people.  If you give me food I will eat it.

#2

You read my xanga.  That means you know more about me than most people do in real life.

#1

I read your xanga.  That means I actually care what you have to say.  

Love to Benelliman!   

Leah K.

I know I've been a little low on entries.  

I thought if I clicked on "Add Weblog" something would come to me.  All it did was make my brain go in 50 different directions.

I could update you on recital!  Recital, recital, recital!  I have thoughts about the students.. the costumes.. the money.. the students' dances.. my dances.. my procrastination.

I MUST check on the lace leotards!!!!  

I could post some more songs.  I have been listening to a lot of music lately.  I've been in a singing mood.  

I could make another recital sneak peek video.  Maybe Hip Hop?   Or the Barton Hollow jazz dance.

I wish I had pictures of the costumes I'm making.  They are amazingly beautiful.  

I could update you on my personal life.  It's interesting stuff.

I could post about Luci.  we played baseball today in the yard and it was too much fun.  

I, also, have been looking at old photos.  REALLY old photos. 3rd birthday photos. Sitting on a tractor.  Sandwiched between my cousin and uncle on the 3-wheeler.

I was blowing out my candle with my Granddaddy.  

I am looking for tres hermanas pictures to make an album for my mother for Mother's Day.  But my mother hates me right now (even more than usual). 

I don't really like her much either, though.  

I still haven't addressed the baby daddy drama.  

anything you want to hear more about?

Leah K.

My brain said, "Let's make a mixture of...  Leah's worry about finding a house, Her overly active cleaning over the past few days, Her sexual frustration, and emotional rawness.  Now add some stormy weather.  Put in strangers and make her anxious.  Then make things not go the way she wants."   This will be the best dream ever.   

So there I was in my car driving from house to house trying to figure out which one I could afford or would work.  I came upon Miss Dixie's old house.  (It wasn't at all like it is in real life, but that wasn't the oddest part of my dream).  People were living in it.  It hadn't been cleaned out yet.  They really had only been through one room.  I started in. They would let me rent from them once everything was cleaned out.  I started in on the cleaning.  People were helping me.  We were under a wooden car-port going through things the new owners had thrown out the for us.  It was cloudy.  Windy.  Trash was blowing away.  Later I came back and Lance was with me this time.  To "help" me.  We parked under the car-port but never got out of the car.  I knew the owners were probably there.  I didn't want to jeopardize our agreement. So Lance drove us a little way down the road.  Nope. Not far enough.  We are sitting right in front of a house!  He edges forward just enough for the bumper to pass the tree line, and it's sexy time.  (no actual sex in my dream. For some reason it never happens.  If sex does happen in my dreams it's usually not in a good way. I'll have to analyze that at some point.)  The dream continues.  More dealing with the owners.  It seems like nothing is getting done, but we are working our asses off.  The whole front of the house is lined with aquariums (I don't know).  No one has bothered to even let the water out.  There aren't any fish.  They need to be made back into regular windows.  We have moved on from the car-port into the kitchen which looks exactly the same as the car-port.  Just full of stuff the new owners have piled there for us to go through.  Work and no progress.  Sounds familiar.

The next dream was less odd.  More like normal life.  

OH!  I take that back.  I forgot we were all in a game.  We had characters we were responsible for. Carrying out their story as it was supposed to happen.  I'm not sure if my partner started out as @MrWhiteTieAffair but it turned out to be you.  We had some issues in the game.  Got some characters into trouble.  It was in the middle of the night.  We had a stealth mission.  (don't ask).  After it was all over he asked me, "When are you going to move to Maryland?"  I was caught off guard.  I hadn't shared my thoughts.  He just assumed.  The problem was, I had thought I finally decided not to go.  But the way he asked, like it was the most natural solution.  So after stumbling to respond I simply said, "I'm moving to Maryland soon.  Soon."  I had $7000.  Me and Luci were ready.  I was going to move, look for a job, and just get after it.  

When I wake up, I think.  I can't move to Maryland.  Maryland would be a horrible place for me.  And I don't have $7000.  And if I did that's not enough to pick up and move somewhere.  And I don't want to move to Maryland.

Leah K.