December 31, 2012
-
2012 in review
To review 2012, all I really need to do is take a good look at the last few weeks. A huge mess of my own making.
I was really ready to drive off into oblivion Friday December 21st. I thought even if the world didn't end for everyone, the Mayans at least predicted the end of my world.
I thought to myself, "I'm done! It's over." I took the Gone With The Wind aproach and said, I'll think of it another day. well, that day is today. I have had 8 full days of ignoring my problems. Ignoring my life. Today, I remembered that New Years is not just another day off before I have to go back to reality. It's the end of 2012! Time for my end of year assessment. Time to take responsibility for what 2012 became. I hate my life. I hate myself. I need a change.
That's all I've done in the past few years. I change so much in the span of a year that the time lapse seems like a massive distance. Surely I can't still be within a year of the first recital with my school. It can't have only been last Christmas we went to Disney. Summer 2011 and before seems like a whole lifetime ago. For whom doth time meander so slowly?
I thought time 'flew by'. And when you looked back, you thought, "Where did the time go? It only feels like yesterday." Not so for me. This morning even feels far away. And the future, as well. I look ahead to this May and can't fathom getting there.
At the end of 2012:
I'm 25
I'm past broke
I have a business that seems to do the opposite of grow.
I'm single. A single mom.
I hate the place I live.
I don't like the people I have to see.
I need an extra job.
And, maybe next week will be better. Next week in 2013. I don't have high hopes. Maybe that's the key. The last two New Years entries have been all about the next year being fantastic. They didn't turn out well. This year is starting in a horrible way. A bad time in my life. I'm just hoping I survive January. And $1000 drops out of the air.
Leah K.
Comments (5)
Kick starter? I would like to learn to dance...
Maybe you need a partner? A marketing consultant? There are solutions, I'm sure of it. Or is it that you are tired of the business? Well, either way, it sounds like it's going to take some serious inner fortitude to power through this tough time. I'm rooting for you!
I certainly hope your year turns around for you. If I could I'd help in some way. I have a friend that started her own dog grooming business. She finally got her own shop. Sort of. She's constantly up and down as to whether it's any good. She loves doing it, just the making money part that is the problem.
I hope this year ends better than 2012
@TexasTidbits - Me too, thanks.
@FalconBridge - I'm hoping for an up soon. @theKisSilent - A partner would be great for me! but mostly no one wants that responsibility. @BenelliMan - You are off to a great start. I'm sure of it!
Comments are closed.