A large amount of my days pass quickly in an unconcerned contented state.  

I live life in a dreamy haze of apathy.  

I put off worry.  I put off joy. 

For another day.  

I'll just get through this day.  

I don't want tomorrow to come, but I'd like today to end.  

I try to live in that place in between dreams.  

Then, something starts to call.

"Wake up, Beautiful..."

"Wake up, Princess."

Being awake is harder than I want it to be.  

I can see things. Feel things.  

Like when the covers get ripped off.

The light pours in through the curtains.

Everything becomes a stimulant.

Not particularly in a good way.

But can it be a bad thing to take stock?  

It might not be a pleasant inventory.

How can you discover what you need without knowing what you've got.  

Wake up.  Re-evaluate.  Get upset about life.

Care.  

Leah K.

OK.  I've got it.  I have solved my problems. Thank you JK Rowling.

With all of these soul searching, soul wrenching decisions tearing me apart, why wouldn't I be able to make a horcrux.  I mean, JK says the way to rip your soul into pieces is by killing another.  Hasn't she proven that Love is a magic just as powerful or more powerful than death?  So, why would love not produce a horcrux?  

So with this "logic" I have decided I need to make my phone a horcrux.  Much like Tom Riddle's diary.  Part of my soul can continue communication with Feng Shui in the same state we are now in.  Then, I can leave that piece of myself and another part of my soul can commit itself completely to Lance.  Now, the problem arises.  Why would I commit all of the soul I have left when I could easily break off his piece as well, and have what's left only concerned with Luci and myself?  And then again in a pair of tap shoes?  

I see what happened to The Dark Lord.  He cared too much?  Wait.  Now I'm justifying his existence.  Typical, Leah.  A horrible judge of character.  My character suffers as a result.  

Again,  Where's my wand?  I've been asking for it a lot lately.

Leah K.

Who the heck is Kip Moore?  I have never heard of him, but I've been clicking over to country radio more often lately.  And this is one of the songs I'm enjoying.   

Why do they all involve death?  Just a question.

Leah K.

Today, I didn't want to get out of bed.   My alarm kept playing and I kept snoozing.  I got up 7 minutes after the last alarm sounded.  

I decided I didn't need to dress out for class today.   Surely I could just wear jeans.  I won't be dancing that much.

I regretted it.  

I went to go get McDonald's for Luci's and my lunch.  I answered a phone call as I drove up to the window.  I set my drink beside me, in front of my gear shift.  I continued my conversation.  Started driving.  Then I turned onto the road...  And "shit shit shit shit. Fuck. shit.  hang on.  I'm O.K. Sorry. I just dumped a whole Dr. Pepper in my lap."  "Do you need me to let you go?"  Uh... Yeah.   

Oh my goodness it was cold!  Because I was sitting in ice until I could find a place to park.  Not only was my whole right ass cheek wet, but down to the back of my knee. and across my knee to the inside of my left leg like I peed down it.  

I have 10 minutes before Luci gets out of school.  I go to the studio just to see if somehow maybe some phantom magical forgotten pants were in my office.  No.  So I then proceed to search the back of my car for the same phantom magical pants.  No.  

So I go pick up Luci from school with wet pants.  She's in preschool, so there is no drive through pick up line.  You have to walk to their classroom.   !!!  And we have a play date scheduled for after school!  

An hour after that predicament started It was resolved with dry pants.   My last pair of clean jeans.  

Fast forward a few hours.  I have another class at the studio.  I'm running a little late.  Luci has to come with me because I have no one to take her.  We pull up. The girls are waiting......   keys....    keys..  these keys?  no.  ugh.  There's no way I am finding these keys.  I really hope I didn't lock them upstairs because the outside door is locked.   I had them.... I had them? Sorry girls.  No class.  It would take me longer to find the keys than you were supposed to practice.  I'm going home.  And I'm eating this brownie as I do it.  

I need another brownie.  

I know this is Karma.  For me being a horrible person right now.   I see you!  I know!  

Leah K. 

Someday my day will come and I won't need a thing at all
Yes I can stand proud and tall and say just what I feel
Someday my day will come when dreams become reality
I'll be the one I want to be someday my day will come

It's a tiring path we travel through
For each step I take Lord I'm set back two
We all have roles in life to play
And I'll play a great one someday

Someday my day will come I'll hold true love right in my hand
I'll touch the pretty rainbow's end and my cup will overflow
Someday my day will come I'll watch my ship as it comes in
My castles won't be made of sand someday my day will come
I'll hold true love right in my hand someday my day will

Leah K.

I thought, I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around and he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry

Well, you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore

There's nothing where he used to lie
The conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there
And not some holy light

It crawled beneath my veins
And now I don't care, I had no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can touch, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn, torn

There's nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's right, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on this floor

Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late, I'm already torn, torn

Leah K.

Sagittarius

Disney's The Little Mermaid - Part Of Your World

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - feet!

Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a - what's that word again?
Street

Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world

What would I give if I could live out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?
Bet'cha on land they understand
That they don't reprimand their daughters
Proper women sick of swimmin'
Ready to stand

And ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
What's a fire and why does it - what's the word?
Burn?

When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world

Leah K.

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

[Chorus]
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

[Repeat chorus]

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

While this song may not represent actuality or truth, it's a nice thought.  And I freaking love Dolly Parton!!!!

Leah K.

Book Entry

So, in honor of Earth Day, I would like to give a shout out to all the influences in my life that have given me an Earth conscious mentality.   

Anne of Green Gables.   A kindred spirit who appreciates every flower, tree, and moonlit night.  It makes me believe maybe I am not the only one who takes the time to notice how the sun streams through the tree branches, and how the dew gathers on the flower petals.   

The elves in Eragon's world.   I've talked about this before.  They sing their houses into trees.  They leave no mark on the land.  No damage is incurred by their existence.  If anything, they enhance the production and well being of the animals and forest they live in.  

J. R. R. Tolkein's, Tom Bombadil and the Ents.  Opposing sides of the same coin.  Tom represents the timelessness of nature.  It sustains when everything else changes.  The Ents represent the vulnerability to outside forces.  It shows what a devastating loss you can cause from ignorance. 

Of course Narnia.  I mean, you witness a world from it's creation through it's end.  And the animals talk and have friends.  How could you not sympathize with a world that spent countless years in a frozen winter of hell.  

“Look at that sea, girls--all silver and shadow and vision of things not seen. We couldn't enjoy its loveliness any more if we had millions of dollars and ropes of diamonds.” -Anne

“It was November--the month of crimson sunsets, parting birds, deep, sad hymns of the sea, passionate wind-songs in the pines. Anne roamed through the pineland alleys in the park and, as she said, let that great sweeping wind blow the fogs out of her soul.” - Anne

Leah K.

People are stupid.

Everything is blown out of proportion because of Facebook and Twitter and YouTube.  It's like that stupid Gossip game we played when we were kids.  You tell the person next to you a story and by the time it gets handed to individual after individual it's completely warped.  "I ate a bag of Doritos " becomes "I hate those fags and dumb bitch hoes."  

Is this why a report of shots fired on a college campus turns into "Another tragedy! School Shooting. Can't believe what's happening to our country!"  blah blah blah.  #prayforBoston #prayforTexas #prayforMIT.  How are any of these thing related!  They have nothing to do with each other.  They are not comparable or in any way able to be lumped together.  

I'm sorry.  I realize it's really sad.  A campus officer died.  I know his family is hurting.  

This is not special, national, newsworthy, trending topic, the world is ending stuff.   Are people really so clueless as to think this stuff doesn't happen every single day.  

I remember hearing gunshots outside my dorm window one horrible night at UNT.   The campus police shot a belligerent drunk guy right outside my window.  Most of the campus didn't even know about it the next day.  Facebook was in it's primary years.  Sharing was non-existent. Twitter was nothing.  It was what it was.  It wasn't blown up into viral videos and cynical tweets.  "What's the world coming to? People can't even be reasonable when they are drunk! #nakedgunUNT."   

I know I'm not really getting my point across here.  The media encourages this crap.  Tweet us your eye witness accounts.  We will play it constantly and treat like it's God given truth shining out of your ass.  Without context.  Without facts.  And we will tell people to comment and share their uneducated thoughts on something they know nothing about.   

"Bombs are reported to have been lined up and down both sides of the street at the Boston Marathon, but the police were able to disarm them in time."  

or

"These were controlled explosions done by the federal government."  

Just shut up, people.   Just shut up.  

Leah K.