May 24, 2013

  • Day 13

    Someone you wish could forgive you

          "Dear God, Thank you for always being there when I am hurt, and helping me see how I can make sure others don't feel the same. 
               Help me to always have hope and see the best of what people can be. 
    Help me to know that no matter how many times I may be hurt, I can always be healed by you. 
    God, please help me to forgive myself if ever I fail at keeping others from the hurt I have felt. 
    I love you, God.  Make my words and promises always be meaningful. 
    good night, God.  Amen"   

    - Friday February 3rd 2006 xanga entry

    http://leahktutu.xanga.com/436896170/5-minutes/

     


    "God, Please help me to forgive myself if ever I fail at keeping others from the hurt I have felt."

    Big words, Leah.   How could you not fail at this.  People are hurt so deep and so often, even on your watch.  I've realized this over the past 7 years, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel responsible.  When people I love are hurting I feel like I should have been able to prevent it/fix it/take it away.  I feel it is my failing that they are hurting.  One specific instance is the one I will probably never forgive myself for.  I have inflicted my history on my daughter.   The choices I made, the person I am is the reason for her having to go through feelings of abandonment and pain.  I chose who her Daddy was.  I chose to leave him.   It's my fault he is not in her life like he is "supposed" to be.  I will never forgive myself.   I'm glad I found this prayer.  I have been having a hard time praying the past 5 years.  I think praying for help to forgive myself might be better than my avoidance of forgiveness altogether.   I will not pray for God to forgive me.  Because of course He always forgives, and I can't handle it.  

    Leah K.

Comments (2)

  • This was a powerful read. Praying for help to forgive yourself is a very insightful and smart thing to do.

  • If you did not feel the guilt that you were feeling you would perhaps not be the wonderful mother that you are.  However, I do think at some point you'll need to learn the very thing you desire here because you're worth the happiness you would gain once you let go. The past is important for illuminating the present but it is still the past and moving forward is always the best option.

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