My subconscious gives me hope!

In my dream last night, I met this guy.  He reminds me mostly of the actor who plays Jaime Lannister in Game of Thrones.    

He was involved in a dance program at the same place I was studying/working.  It was another case of the interrupted sex situations.  A recurring theme in my dreams.  

It didn't seem to matter, though.  We progressed quickly to the wedding venue.  We had to wait our turn most of the day.  I had to choose an interesting white dress, and drink a lot of coffee for some reason.   But the wedding proceeded.  

I'm so glad my dream guy is still anonymous.  I hate it when they turn into the guys I'm dealing with in real life. 

Leah K.       

Libra

All By Myself - Celine Dion

We all know people with Multiple Sclerosis.  People who's bodies are fighting against them.  I know a couple.  I am going in honor of Miss Dixie.  I've been a mess thinking about all of this.  Crying every 20 minutes.  I am a dancer who wishes people with MS could keep dancing. 

Only a few years ago Miss Dixie did plies once every day.  It started to grow harder for her.  I remember seeing her, one day, take the few steps slowly to the beam place both hands on the barre and struggle to demi plie in 1st position.  For a long time, I'm sure she felt frustration at her legs because she didn't know the cause.  It took a while to get her diagnosis.  That's one of the things about MS.  There is no simple test.  You go to the doctor and he tells you it could be all sorts of things.  Your symptoms change, you have to wait and see.  I've read that the best way to diagnose is with an MRI. Miss Dixie did find out that her immune system was attacking her healthy nerves.  Making it difficult to walk.  She started treatment and went through times where all she needed was a cane, and times when she was forced to use a wheelchair.  Her falls became more frequent, and her rehabilitation would have to start over.  She watched us dance, everyday, from her chair.  Molding our legs and feet into beautiful pieces of art while hers deteriorated.  She spent time at the Mayo Clinic.  They told her she would never get well, but she did improve in her mobility.  Of course, it was still precarious.  She was forced to give over her life's work, for others to continue.  Ultimately, Miss Dixie did not die from MS, but her fall that caused the stroke was a result of MS.  Her own beautiful, strong legs betrayed her.  She called me her legs.  She told me I would have to replace them.  Well, Miss Dixie, we are all going to be your legs.  We are going to Walk for you.  We are going to walk in support of finding a cure for Multiple Sclerosis.  No one should have to stop dancing. 

So, we are Miss Dixie's Legs.  If you would like to donate some money before April 6th message me and I will give you an address to mail it to....  or just find the National MS Society and give them money.  Or find a walk near you.   Walk for the people who might not be able to from one day to the next. 

Leah K.

MS Walk

We are sitting in the foyer of Chili's, waiting on a table.   

Luci: Mommy, where is the dividerater?

Mommy: The what?

Luci: The di-vi-do-ra-ter.

Mommy:  Oh, the dividerater.  Granddaddy has it.  

Luci:  Can you ask Dandaddy to give me the dividerater? 

Mommy:  Yes.  What does the dividerater do?

Luci:  It dividerates when our table is ready.

Mommy: Luci, how many syllables does dividerater have?

Luci holding up fingers: di-vi-do-ra-ter. five.  

Mommy:  That's good, baby.  How many syllables are in Lucille?

Luci with the fingers: Lu-ci-ell.  Three.  

Mommy:  In Texas you're correct.  

Leah K.

Cancer 

Home - Michael Buble

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
This was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In either Paris or Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
And let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It'll all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Leah K.

I see your Zodiac Song challenge, Tristin, and I raise you lyrics!

So I'll start with the easiest..   

Scorpio,  my sexy friends

I'm sexy and I know it - LMFAO

When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly
I pimp to the beat, walking down the street in my new lafreak, yeah
This is how I roll, animal print pants out control
It's Redfoo with the big ass 'fro
And like Bruce Leroy I got the glow, yo
(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
When I walk in the spot, (yea) this is what I see (okaay)
Everybody stops and they starin' at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it...
I'm sexy and I know it (x2)
Yo, when I'm at the mall, security just can't fight 'em all
When I'm at the beach, I'm in a speedo trying to tan my cheeks (whaat?)
This is how I roll, come on ladies it's time to go
We headed to the bar, baby don't be nervous
No shoes, no shirt, and I still get service (watch!)
(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
When I walk in the spot, (yea) this is what I see (okaay)
Everybody stops and they starin' at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it...
I'm sexy and I know it
Ayyy
I'm sexy and I know it
Check it out, check it out
...
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah (x3)
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wig-yea, yea
Do the wiggle man
I do the wiggle man (yea)
I'm sexy and I know it
Ayyy, yeah
(Ahhhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
(Ahhhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
...
I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT

Leah K.  

Hi Leah ! Here is your Daily Chinese Horoscope for Monday, March 25
"Have you been seeing a little too much of someone lately? If it's time for a break, just say so. This doesn't mean you don't care about one another. It simply means you have healthy boundaries."

I've had my horoscope emailed to me everyday for at least 5 years, probably more like 7 years.  I go long periods where I just delete the emails, and move on.  Then some days I decide to open them.   Like today.   And yes, Universe, I hear you.  This is just my Chinese Horoscope.  My Leo one told me I was upside-down in the money area.  Which I am.  

So.  What the hell am I doing?  Did I really need to see Lance twice in as many days?   It's always this way.  We can't just talk every now and then.   If he's in my life, he is all up in my life.  If it keeps going like this, I'm afraid we are going to creep into weird territory.  I stated my boundaries Friday night.  I think I was pretty clear.  I mean, if you tell someone, "I don't need you",  doesn't that get the point across?  I also said, "Even if I did need someone, you are not someone I want."   I need to remind myself of those words.  and the reasons behind them.  Over and Over and Over.   He is not someone I want.  He is lots of things I DO NOT want.  I do not need him to make me feel better about myself.  I do not need him to take care of me.  I do not need to take care of him.  It should be better this next weekend.  He has his daughter for the week.    So maybe just hold it to one encounter every other weekend if I'm not busy.  I will hold myself to this boundary.  I can do it.  The problem is, he has no boundaries.  

Leah K.

Your Personal Feng Shui Element

The five elements of fire, earth, metal, water and wood correlate to the living room, dining room, bedroom, bathroom and kitchen respectively. But one of these five elements is your own personal element based on your birthday. Your personal Feng Shui element is Fire.

You are romantic, magnetic, animated, sparkling, dynamic, charming, talkative, spontaneous, expressive, intuitive, fun and funny, and entertaining. You are loving, passionate, vigorous, have leadership potential, spirituality is very important to you, and are aggressive in a good way. You are direct � right out front. You are also good at communicating without words. So don't hide your light! Stay strong and fiery. But when imbalanced, you can be scattered or too whimsical, jealous, loud, or regretful. You succeed by becoming more warm hearted and generous. Experiences of love, compassion, fun, joy, and pleasure are very healing for you. Your challenge is to share joy, happiness, and laughter without thought of reward. The emotion associated with the element fire is happiness.

Your Chinese Astrology Sign is Hare

The gentle qualities of springtime are traits of the Hare. You love beauty, peace, and art. Being diplomatic and sensitive, you do not wish to fight. You prefer situations that are pleasant, discreet, domestic, and supportive. You dislike competition and difficulties; you want to enjoy life, especially the companionship of a small intimate circle of like-minded and supportive friends. You are usually fashion conscious and have refined tastes. Sometimes you can be a bit shy and do not aggressively pursue goals because success at all costs is not what you value. You do best in a beautifully decorated home to share your life with your sophisticated friends and intimate companions. You love to entertain your charmed circle so be sure that your living room is especially inviting with big couches and pillows so everyone can relax. You like to display art in every room of the home, even the bathroom. Just keep your art collection up to date and give away, sell, or donate art that is no longer interesting or inspiring. Adding live flowers is the key for you because the simplicity and beauty of flowers, especially orchids, bring peace to your gracious soul.

Keep talking..  

Leah K

Usually that phrase ends in "never a bride".  While that is true for me, I'm actually going to finish it with "never a maid of honor".   

The first wedding I was in was my mother's.  I was 8.  My sisters and I were Bridesmaids.  We stood up there beside my Mom and each held one red rose.  

   So I understand why I wasn't the maid of honor in this one.  All the daughters must be on an even plane.  What this did start was a string of being in weddings.  

The next one was a cousin's wedding in which I read a poem about love before the vows.   Then I believe I stood at the nuts and mints table throughout the reception.  

Then, I believe Nicole was next.   She was 18.  I was 17. 
 She had a cousin who she chose as her Maid of Honor.  I remember the words she spoke to me.  "I would rather have you, but she is family and I can't choose the people I want."  So I was the would be Maid of Honor, and I took it to heart.  I went to the tux fittings and flower choosing meetings.  I planned the shower and the bachelorette party.   I promised her I would dive after her bouquet and I had the road rash to prove it along with the memory of my victory dance with her brother to, "I'll be" in the lit up gazebo to remind me how single I was at the time.  

The next year my sister got married.  Her wedding was in The Bahamas.  So there were no bridesmaids.  When they got back to the states we threw a reception.  Laura and I, The sisters, were the "honorary bridesmaids".
  Which meant, we wore coordinating colors and served cake.  

It was time for another cousins wedding.  Another color coordinated dress.  Another cake table.  No title.  

Jeri got married next.   I'm not sure their are pictures of me at this one.  I was an "honorary bridesmaid" again.  I walked down the isle in my specified dress.  But I didn't get to stand up next to her.  Then of course I volunteer to stand behind the punch table the rest of the night, and miss out on all the pictures.  But I love Jeri, and I would stand behind the punch table again.  

Time for Tristin's wedding?
  That is me.  3rd from the left.  I made those bouquets we are all holding.  Helped pick out the dresses we are wearing.  Took photos of the bride.  Made the favors.  Bought awesome champagne for the bachelorette party.  Again.  Just a bridesmaid.  Another situation that "Maid of Honor" was chosen not to ruffle feathers.  

Then, of course the dj at this wedding...

Because, you see.  I understand.  I know these women love me.  All of these women know, I will stick by them.  Even if I'm not their "maid of honor" in their wedding.  I am a "Maid of Honor" in their lives and that counts for more.   

Someone mentioned the movie Bridesmaids in passing the other day, and I thought they were referring to me.  Woops.  

And girls,  none of you will probably end up being my "matron of honor".   I always planned on having no guests at my wedding.   No single girl behind the cake/punch/nuts/mints/music table.  Also, no "Father" trying to walk me down the isle or give me away.  So, just know you are my honorary matrons.  And you better like the damn razorback cake.  

If the occasion ever arises. 

Leah K.

Every moment is packed full of crap!  It's been this way for weeks.  I've been fantasizing about just sitting down with my eyes closed.  Just breathing.  I can see myself in my head.  I look so peaceful, but all I feel is this tightness.  I'm wound so tightly.  I'm frantic.  Costumes, Fundraiser, Recital, Luci, Friends, Other Fundraiser, Money, No Money, MS Walk, Dances.   There is no me.  No breath.  Not even any sleep.  I can't even settle enough to sleep.

 Here I am for 5 minutes trying to get this out, and all I can think is, "Can-can costume... watch the movie... deposit money.. go pay the cake... no you can't have cotton candy, Luci... it's going to rain out the fundraiser...  I've got to finish the pants!.. the tutus..  Oh the kimonos!!..  Finally someone to video.  ugh trophies.  Where is my money!?.. rent its due soon... I left my keys in the studio."    !!!!!!!!!!!  

It's only March.   I thought this was supposed to be an easy month.  Spring Break was completely lost on me I worked every day.  People have begun to notice my exhaustion.  I'm just tired.  my mind is tired. 

Leah K.